Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
