Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
