I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
