We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
