i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i think my cat just said my name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize