I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The ass gains better be worth it
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