I just cut my nipple shaving
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
