I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
