Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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