help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
