And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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