grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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