You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
