did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
