I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
