There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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