well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
