just tell him i said nine months
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
