And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
