Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
