First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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