Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
