i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
