I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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