In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
