i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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