Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
