just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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