mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
