Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
