when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
