I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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