i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
