I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
