Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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