Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
