you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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