I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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