Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
