He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
