am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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