just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
