if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When are your genitals available?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
