she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
