she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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