apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
