No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
