So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
