This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
