we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
