When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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