eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
