these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
