It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
