After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
