I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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