your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
