If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
